Courting, dating, just getting to know someone these days is hard. Sharing yourself with someone with hopes of acceptance can be challenging. Love is the greatest need. We thrive when we are loved. We long for relationship, for connection, even for reverence. Everyone wants to know they are valued. We believe dating with purpose is the smartest way to engage in a God-honoring relationship that ultimately leads to a beautiful covenant.

Here are just a couple tips we have for those who are looking, dating, wishing and hoping for love.

1. Pray

This is the most important aspect of any relationship. Believe God for His very best for you. He is going to show you things about your personality in your singleness. Please pay attention and make the necessary adjustments. He's not trying to hurt you, He wants you to avoid future potholes. Be patient with yourself and patient with God. Don't be thirsty. It will come, and when it does, you want to be ready. Pray for the kind of spouse you desire. Pray for him or her daily, sow seeds before you even meet them. It will pay off.

2. Seek Wise Counsel

Have people around you who you feel safe with. Who will hold you accountable and celebrate your strengths. They need to know your character, they need to be discerning and they need to care more about your soul than you being in a romantic relationship. These people should edify you, challenge you, console you and vet (in love) your love interests.

3. Be Open

Often times God will send you someone you LEAST expect. I do believe you should be attracted to the person you are pursuing. But I've experienced God change the way I see someone through revelation and me yielding my will. He can open your eyes like no other so don't write anyone off without first consulting the Holy Spirit.

4. Be Holy

Stay out of the club, stop watching porn, stop objectifying the opposite sex, end all fruitless relationships, abstain from sexual activity, fast frequently, spend quality time with your loved ones. God wants to heal your heart from family traumas and wrong thinking patterns, the way you relate to your family WILL impact how you interact with your spouse. Please don't think if you do not practice sexual purity now that it won't negatively affect your sexual intimacy in marriage you are so sadly mistaken. Get right, friend. Ladies, let him pursue you, let him work for you, let him earn you. When you play by God's rules, you win.

5. Go to Therapy

It is never too early or too late to go to therapy. It is life changing. You need it for yourself and I'd advise going with your partner if the two of you are dating with purpose (dating with the intent of marriage). If you are a believer, please go to a Christian therapist. Contact us if you'd like information on local therapists we trust.

6. Steward Your Singleness

Listen, once you get married, there's no more you. It's US. Take this time to nurture your hobbies, to get fit, nurture your friendships (you won't get this time back), develop intimacy with the Father, travel, be the total person. Once you get married these things don't stop, but if you develop the practice of taking care of yourself now, it doesn't become a burden in marriage. It is very easy to make your spouse your idol, if you have a healthy relationship with yourself, the margin for error in this area is greatly decreased. Enjoy this time of only having yourself to worry about! It's a blessing.

7. Set Boundaries

This is one of the most important aspects of dating. You and your partner MUST set boundaries and be on the same page as far as your convictions are concerned. Make those boundaries and share them with your accountability partners. If any of your practices infringe on your relationship with God, with your righteousness, with your ability to witness, cut it out of your life. It may seem harmless, but it's the small foxes that spoil the vine. This is also why wise counsel is important, especially from married couples you trust. Ask them questions, they have experience and perspective.

8. Don't Worry

It is so easy to be consumed with finances, doubts, questions. These are all normal emotions. Marriage is a huge decision. Even dating someone and being emotionally invested is A LOT. If you are being led by God, that's all the insurance you need. His word is all you need to stand on. If He tells you to go, take the step, by the ring, take care of your debt, move out of your house, whatever! Just be obedient to Him. When we got married we had about $300 to our name and tons of debt. God will work it out when He's ordained it.

9. Get Rid of Baggage

There will be red flags if the person you're dating isn't right for you. If you're led by the Holy Spirit you will catch them and have the strength to walk away. Sometimes though, the person you're dating will exemplify characteristics or habits that are triggers for you. Maybe you've had emotional trauma or are projecting animosity from past relationships on the current one. You need discernment to get through this. You need to let go of failed relationships and unhealthy perspectives. Do not let your emotions become your God. You need wisdom for this.

10. Cultivate Intimacy

Treasure one another. Intimacy begins with the heart, not with the flesh. Read your bibles together, worship together, serve together, pray together, fast together, spend time discussing goals and dreams with one another. There is this misconception that once you get married your life will stop, your fun will end. Nothing could be further from the truth. Your spouse should inspire you and spur you into action when it comes to following your purpose. They should help you achieve greatness, be your best friend, your loudest cheerleader, your confidant, they should partner with you in giving God glory.

Courtship, Singleness, and Abstinence