The Blessing in Challenges
Anzeo and Lauren David are our dear friends and one of our favorite couples of all time! Anzeo is an impeccable singer/songwriter, visual artist, worship pastor, father, and husband. His fantastic and equally talented wife Lauren is a creative, blogger, people lover, wife and mother. The David's share a mutual affinity for Chipotle, Jesus, shoes and their sweet son, Asher, who they lovingly refer to as Cub. We are intrigued by the David's because they continue to be a picture of the grace of God. They are young go-getters who are still remain grounded. They seriously are some of the sweetest most giving people we know, and they like, really love one another. Their union serves as not only a stride toward racial reconciliation but also a look into the redemptive power of the Father. It is possible to love without limit, it is possible to love without agenda, it is possible to love without fear of the opinions of others, it is possible to love sacrificially and completely. The David's are evidence of that.
What about your spouse makes you a better person and why?
Lauren: I think Anzeo, from the beginning of our relationship, has made me a better communicator. I was very passive aggressive. In my household, we kind of held our emotions down. I was not good with confrontation or communication. So, he’s definitely developed that in me. I would push stuff down for years and then just explode. And now, immediately if something is wrong I speak up. Our communication is so much better. It’s strengthened me.
Anzeo: I’m not gonna cry. I have to start from the beginning. God made me a sensitive person. Sensitive to people, I’ve always had a heart for the broken hearted, I’ve always wanted to be a friend to the friendless. But growing up in the culture I grew up in, that’s not cool. So, I lost myself trying to become someone I wasn’t. Being married to Lauren has taught me how to be vulnerable again, how to be sensitive again. It’s not about being cool, it's about being in the moment, whatever the moment calls for. If the moment calls for me to be like, “hey, I’m sorry.” Finding that person God made me to be, the person I lost trying to become someone else.
What has been the hardest challenge in your marriage?
Lauren: Becoming a stronger woman, becoming stronger within myself and not relying on him for everything has been the hardest. I’m gonna cry. If you don’t have a strong foundation in God then you expect your spouse to provide everything for you. So, I’ve realized the more I invest in myself and my relationship with God, the better our relationship is. I’m super sensitive, so I can get easily offended or take things personally. So knowing myself and God more makes me stronger and I’m able to treat him as my spouse and not my everything. That can be draining on both of us.
Morgan: The temptation is so real to do that. Especially when you’re so in love.
Lauren: Right, but it's like idolizing the person.
Anzeo: Being married shows you how selfish you can be initially. It puts a mirror in front of you. I treat everyone like they’re my best friend. I’m always trying to make the mood better. But in doing that, I make those people feel important. So for me, the hardest thing is to find the balance between befriending me and keeping Babe number one. That’s the hardest thing for me because I’m an extrovert. I treat everyone the same but I have to place her above everyone else. So I have to figure out, how I operate in what I know God has called me to do but still make my queen separate from everyone else. It’s been a journey, a learning, and a growing process. It’s taken some maturity on my part. Some things I just have to say no to. Because if it interferes with number one, God is not going to be pleased.
Kel: One of the hardest things to do in relationships is establishing boundaries. Knowing which boundaries are good and which ones are overkill.
Morgan: I am a naturally flirtatious person. I didn’t fully recognize that about myself until we got married. I had mistaken being flirty for being charming or personable. So, people would try to flirt back with me and I’d just be like, wait a minute! Marriage is about mindfulness. So if I’m not mindful of the interactions I have and the relationships I foster and how I foster those relationships, it's reckless. Not only am I causing my husband pain, but myself pain. And that’s something I thought was just a part of my personality. Marriage challenges who you thought you were.
Anzeo: Yeah, and in that, I’ve learned to trust her more, and that’s hard for me because I think I have discernment on 100. Some things slip through the cracks!
How does being married impact your creative process?
Lauren: I think we work really creatively well together. Like with photoshoots. I love being at all his gigs and photoshoots. Framing his clients and helping him out. We’re passionate about similar things, film, cinematography, and photography. We’re able to have discussions. Even though we might be working on different things we’re still passionate about the same things.
Anzeo: I feel like 2018 is going to be a year that she expands on her God-given gifts and me nurturing and bringing it out. Less about me and more about her. All these years she’s been my cheerleader, but these next couple years will be about her.
In what ways has being a blended family strengthened your marriage?
Anzeo: This is how I knew she was the one. I was previously married and had 3 kids out of that marriage. In some of our initial conversations - this is how I knew she was the one because no girlfriend to that date had said anything even remotely close to what she told me. She said, if we get married I want to get house and I want it to have 5 or 6 bedrooms so when the kids come over they’ll have a place and they won’t have to be in the same room. I want them to have their own room. A lightbulb went off. This is what I need to be looking for. She treats those kids like their her own. My daughters love Lauren, more than me. They probably talk to her more than they talk to me. Especially now because they’re 13 and 17. I always wanted to have a girl my daughters would love and like.
Lauren: It was really important to me too. I didn’t want to force anything. I told them to treat me as their big sister. I’m not here to replace anyone. You have a mom, I just want to be in your life. I didn’t want to just pop up in their lives. I wanted it to be natural.
Anzeo: She has the kind of character I want my daughters to emulate. I know a lot of people who don’t have our story. It hasn’t been without its challenges but we’ve been blessed. I can tell God is in this thing and we’re supposed to be together. Teamwork.
Morgan: For the record, I always knew ya’ll would work out. Because I could tell you guys were a team and it didn’t matter what was happening I could just see that you both were brave.
Lauren: We were just in love and wanted to be together.
What’s the best piece of advice you’d give to a newlywed?
Anzeo: Newlyweds, be honest with yourself before you get married. Know where you are, before you get married. Present who you are before you get married. Because they’re going to find out. You’ll be living with this person every day. Be honest with yourself and where and who you are. Be honest with that person so they can make a decision of whether they can deal with it. It’s okay to not be ready yet. No one is ever really ready to be married, but there are some things you have to address. List the important decisions and decide if you need counseling, or get in the word more? I know I can bear this burden. There are some things she could deal with no one else could. God sent her to me. Be transparent and allow that person to grow with the real you. No representative needed.
Kel: I think people like to sabotage other people’s relationships. When Morgan and I first got together a lot of people didn’t think we should be together.
Anzeo: That’s so crazy because I thought the exact opposite. I thought ya’ll were perfect for one another. The perfect balance for one another. They’re both strong-willed people that are gonna figure it out!
Kel: And that’s how marriage is! Figuring it out.
Lauren: My advice is to take time for yourselves to develop as a family. You two are literally one now. If your foot steps one way, it is as if your spouse’s foot is being taken that way as well. Don’t allow people in your life to determine what your marriage should look like. This is your own journey. Put boundaries around the whole marriage. Stand up for each other always. Protect your hearts from outsiders and allow God to show you your mate and accept them, flaws and all. If you are able to accept each other’s shortcomings and continually choose to live out grace, it will ultimately create a love in you that is the closest thing to how Jesus loves. It has the potential to be the most powerful kind of love. Oh yeah, and have a lot of sex and have a lot of fun. Always keep your intimate time prioritized. When your intimacy is strong, minor problems stay minor.
